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    NATIONAL     LOCAL     YOUR FAKE NEWS HEADQUARTERS       27  JUNE  2006
  VOLUME 2  ISSUE 9
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   THE B SIDE
Would You Like Your Coronary Super-Sized?
by Joe Lavin
I'm not one to think much about nutrition, but even I'm taken aback by the new Hardee's Monster Thickburger. With 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat, this burger contains two 1/3-pound beef patties, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese, and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun. It costs $5.49, though if you spend $7.09 to add fries and a soda they'll throw in a small defibrillator for free. I especially admire the guy at Hardee's who decided after all this to butter the sesame seed bun. That's a nice touch, but why stop there? Why not just get rid of the bun entirely and wrap the whole burger in more bacon?
 
+The Memphis Tattler® is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
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SNAPSHOTS by Jason Love
SPECIAL SECTION
WASHINGTON- With no prior warning, George Bush withdrew Harriet Miers from consideration to submit Cookie Monster.
LIFE ON MARS
Bush Nominates Cookie Monster to Supreme Court
Memphis Mayor William Herenton To Undergo Ego-Ectomy
Tom and Katie To Give Immaculate Birth To Re-born
L. Ron Hubbard
Hurricane Halliburton
MEMPHIS, TN- Memphis mayor William Herenton is scheduled to undergo what is being described as a fairly routine procedure.
TORONTO, CANADA-
Canadian plans for invading US are moving forward.
Prince Mongo
Cloned
White House Installs Bolton As Pope
ROME, ITALY- The Vatican here today was informed by the White House that

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Canada Preps For World Domination
Gift Giving
My wife's forehead veins are popping out because I missed her niece's Quinceañera. A Quinceañera is like a bat mitzvah, only with tortillas and beans. And it's like a thousand other days I'm bullied to observe. Observe, of course, comes from the Latin root, "to buy meaningless presents."
Exhibit A: Christmas. A time to purchase something for everyone we know, pets included, lest we suffer what is known in professional circles as Gift Guilt.
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PARTING SHOT
Do Americans Really Understand Irony?
By Michael Watson
Let me start by saying that ‘I am an American’ Ok, there I have admitted it. But let me go on to make myself slightly more unpopular by suggesting that our American society does present us with a range of valuable and positive aspects
(no – I am not being ironic yet) Before you stop reading, let me counter that by suggesting what I see as the greatest fault of our modern society. A self absorbed US-centric attitude? A destructive ill conceived foreign policy that is destroying our reputation across the globe? No, neither of these. In my opinion the greatest tragedy is the lack of widespread irony in our daily lives and conversations. So what is irony? Let me start by explaining the concept, so that at least my fellow Americans can understand the idea even if they do not get it.
recent UN ambassador appointee, John Bolton, will also be named Pope.

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king of kaching
You Just Can't Lose When Jesus Is On Your Cheerleading Squad: A Journalistic Plunge Into the
Sultry Depths of Christian Cheerleaders from Coast to Coast
LET'S BE HONEST: When you hear the word "Cheerleaders" you don't immediately think, Pious Servants of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of All Heaven, Who Died On the Cross for Our Heinous Sins. In fact — assuming you managed to survive all four years of the popularity-fueled hell that is public high school—chances are your general opinion of America's pompom-wielding populace isn't even remotely virtuous or flattering.