Saturday, August 20. Lance Armstrong joined George W. Bush for a 17-mile bike ride on Bush's Crawford estate. The following is an excerpt of their conversation.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Do you like riding bikes, Stretch?
LANCE ARMSTRONG: I do. In fact, I won the Tour de France seven--
BUSH: That's Tour De Freedom. Hey Stretch! Guess what?
LANCE: What's that, Mr. President?
BUSH: My ranch is 1,600 acres. We can ride for 17 miles without
leaving my property.
LANCE: That's amazing.
BUSH: You betcha. I could give away 600 acres to homeless people...

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    NATIONAL     LOCAL     YOUR FAKE NEWS HEADQUARTERS     27  SEPTEMBER  2005
  VOLUME 2  ISSUE 8
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The Car Salesman

Recently, my wife and I decided that it was time to buy a new car. My own car had grown so dilapidated that I was depreciating our property value every time I pulled into the garage. So we visited a local auto mall - I won't say which one - to find a replacement. And we did. We found a gorgeous replacement. Right beyond the lion's den of salespeople.

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   THE B SIDE
A Dog's Guide To...Getting Your Dog to Stop Barking
by Amber McNaught
I like to bark. I mean, I like to bark A LOT. So, whattya gonna do about it? Well, if you’re Amber and Terry, you’re going to do NOTHING about it. Ain’t nobody going to silence the Rubinman, you know what I’m sayin’? If you’re NOT Amber and Terry, though (i.e. you’re smart) and you want to know how to get your dog to just freakin’ shut up once in a while, here’s what you need to know:
Why is your dog barking?
WHY IS YOUR DOG BARKING?
I’ll be honest here: I bark because I like it. And because it gets me some attention. I’m all about the attention...

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